In terms of actual, this is basic. HAY RANDOM IS THAT?

Say it’s like “Eh no, l I hired body tonic to naass my ‘Farewell to mephodrone, givez back the actual brain cells at the door will ye?’ party like actual way before you did” coming from the Johnner camp, while it’s “eh, I didn’t like snort basic triple x off the bor of the basic Shaw with some tayshell herayic buzzer he (who) claimed tee ain (to own) the dutch supplier’s phone number last Sunday fir nay reason” comin from the Griffo camp. And it’s like I can’t basically help but actually think that this whole ‘let’s give mephodrone an actual proper send-off buzz’ which has been doin the rounds of the jacks in Pygmalion of a 2am sesh of an anytime between Thursday to Sunday, is like basically tearing us an-actual-part? Or whatever.

And like getting stocked for these parties is an actual mare-bag of a bad buzz. Since Gizzer was found ate cayld (out cold) ateside the, yea like do not adjust your basic sets, Oirish-ACTUAL- Times, with his cacks down and a stack of burial’s b-sides tied around his nackers, along with a black-actual-plastic-bag full of mephodrone and a note from Joe Duffy stuffed in his nostril, the actual authorities have been tryin wreck the actual buzz of the minorities, as in like your average ledger on the street who just wants to irrelevantly stay awake for seven days after 3 pints of a Tuesday.

It’s like, in terms of having a buzz this is where we’re at, so like just basically get over it. The dole is 196 quid a week, a bag of buzz is like less than a basic tenth of that. Eh, in terms of the math, you do it, as I’m pretty sure I read on some K-Nacker bird’s wife-beater at some 2 month mesh (yea that’s right, we’re chattin about a mephodrone-sesh) in Rath-Actual-Mines the other like...eh I dunno, day?

And it’s like these are not the ramblings of an actual madzer. Like the other day I caught like Patch-o in the conservatory of some tayshel train-wreck of a gaff we stalled back to with some warriors after like 2 pints and a line at like noon on a Tuesday in Bally-Actual-Fermot’s finest place you’re least likely to get stung by Joe Duffy in a tree with a like powerful SLR and a box of doughnuts, there saying to a bag of mephobuzz “I wanna start a new generation with you”. And I was like “eh, this is getting fairly oddzers, and in terms of weird, this like....is”

What are ye deen fir knee ears?

And it’s like that’s all anyone’s shitin on about these actual days, and like it’s always so shit say like I’m like fuck actual that, I’m just gonna see what happens and like head dane the country with like all the heads and then like on to that warehouse party in like Kennilworth basic square, and then like to Galway which is supposed to be like such an actual laugh, and probs then just like head tee London and call it a night at like Header’s gaff in actual Brittas basic Bay or whatever. I mean it’s not gonna be mazers but like yee have tee dee somethin.

So it’s like we’re all buzzin in an actual convoy of more or less basic cars dane the country like buzzed out of our collective actuals on these basic animal crackers that Simo bought off like one of his like such a nacker mates but like we’ll overlook that cuz the buzz is so actual whops. And it’s like literals hilarious right, cuz like I must not see the actual corner or whatever and like the basic car ends up absolutes wrappers rained some tree and it’s like blood and tits everywhere and I’m like “eh lads, we’re like such mentalers, I think we like just had an absolute whopper of a car crash. And like Demo is like ‘Boomers! I like totes can’t feelers anything below my buzz!” and like even though his pelvers is like shattered I have to basically admit that like Padzers is on like actual crackers form. So it’s like “Lads fuck actual this, I’m like so not letting a series of horrific life threatening injuries ruin my nysh, let’s like pick up the actual pieces and continue with our totes mazers basic buzz forward slash sesh”. And before I can even pull away and leave the other lads’ basic carcasses there all the total buzzer survivors are there chanting “EROL FUCKIN ALKAN EROL FUCKIN ALKAN NAH NAH NAH NAH, NAH NAH NAH NAH” and I just know in the pit of my buzz that this night is gonna be like basically turbo anti-nigs, which in retrayspect it basically was.
Say we’re like back in the actual car bompin this new dodecahedron drug off the dasher listening to like Howie D’s “ If you like this it’s unequivocal evidence that you’re an horrendous cretin ‘09” mix, and when we arrive at the actual gaff everyone’s like fairly “eh...basic lads that was well super-nigs the way yee like left Ginner and Fads back there like dead without like buzzing off an ambo”. But like as soon as Symo whips out the decks and like a black plastic sack full of methodrone it’s like “ACTUAL BOOM! who even gives a shit?”

And like maybe it’s cuz I’m so boomed out of my whopper but like me and actual Paddy get into like a deadly convo bouts like starting an actual business or whatever? And he’s there gain “Yea man I’m tellers ye, there’s like such an actual gapers in the marko for like some shit, and like once we think of it, it’s gonna be like “eh super anti-nigs whopper boom! we’re loaded”. So it’s like we bounce a few ideas of each other’s tits, while we’re ironically enough off our actual tits, and it’s like “Whops! Let’s totes gay dane the like event management road!”, and I’m like “yea let’s like set up a website and like organise sound events where like ye have to like pay in but you don’t mind cuz there’s like music and somewhere to like leave your coat and like talk to your mates who are like also there cuz they’re like presumably also relatively sound, and like there’s a bar where they like give ye drink in exchange for money, and like even whopper buzzes if you like know the owner which we like will cuz like that’ll be us or whatever”. And it’s like we’ve seen into the fabric of reality or something here, and it’s like how did we not think of this before? So like I’m there “eh this’d be fairly first tune on the shit buzz list if we totes forgot this buzz” so it’s like we totals writesers downers the idea. But it was well annoying a week later when we found what we wrote cuz like all it said was “YEAA MAYSH ACTUAL TOTZERS ON FOR MAZERS TIME WITH THE LADS OR WHATEVER”, and like even though that’s totes an indication of like how much of an actual shower of free spirit buzzers we basically are, I asked my dad and he was real cuttingly like “Eh..I think those jeans are cutting off the circulation to whatevers left of your basic brain cuz that’s so not a go forward idea” then he like sighs and just goes “This is South Dublin, act accordingly”


Say then after dane the country buzz we like jump back in the cars and like on the way up to the warehouse party I like ring Fad’s gaff and like while I’m bompin a bit of buzz up my schnozer I’m like “Yea this is like unnamed cretin #1 Mrs like, eh Fad? Your son is like in critters condition in the hopper” but then Sara, like out of her totes, basic dances her way from the back of the car into the front seat and lobs the basic gob on me and I’m like “fuck this for a bag of yammers” and basically get real into it and like me n al the basic lads are like “SCORING AND ACTUAL DRIVING SCORING AND ACTUAL DRIVING NAH NAH NAH NAH” and like I just catch a glimpse of Duckers new tee which basic says “eh..if I’m not having a buzz crack me across the noggers with your tits”, and like I have to admit that the guy is a basic hero.
I basically can’t remember toss all from the rest of the actual night, but I do remember this real weird bit where we were all at this club ‘Crossroads’ in like London, and like it could have been a gaff party cuz like to be fair I’m fairly sure I remember some lads like making us do heroin and saying we were like ruining the buzz cuz we wouldn’t stop basically chanting and like dancing with our digies around our bellends. Anyway I went on a search for the rest of the bag of dodecahedron that I’m fairly sure Padge had, and I basically walk in on this group of lads basically pummelling Forward Slash in the basic stomach like trying to make him puke and then like succeeding and like sifting through the basic puke on the carpet looking for like something? Or whatever. And I’m like “forward slash what the fuck?”, but before he can answer I’m on the basic floor sifting through the puke looking for basic buzzes which have got to be in here, and I totes find one and clearly bang that shit....then I like catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror on my knees with a pukepill in my actual gob and I just look at myself for a minute, all having a moment and shit.............................all of a sudden it just hits me, the actual state of me and my basic life........................and I’m like: .................................FUCKING TOTES MAZERS WHOPPER BUZZ OR WHAT? HERE’S TO 10 BASIC MORE ACTUAL YEARS OF MAZERS NIGHTS FORWARD SLASH SESHES BACKSLASH BUZZES!

Eh...get out of my naas and into my buzz?

Oh my god like the picnic was like hyperborean buzzing without your like kicks on incase you didn’t notice, and its like just so typical of us to be like having this convo at I love techno, its a shame we couldn’t actually go so we just sent over horrendous cunt with all our iphones instead, but like its more or less like being there.

The bigger fish we like just had to oh my god fry.com/totalbuzzersincaseyoudintnotice was that like sap and fingers heard a rumour that people daynt think we’re like buzzing for real anymore, and that its more about the naassness, at least that’s what they like deducted when some stayner grabbed them in some like hippie gaff and was like ‘stop the rot you bastard whelp of a whore rat’ when like the lads stuck on some clearly dingin tune by like Armen van Byuren at like oh my god are you actually having a buzz o clock in the morning. So its like we all have to like don our most delish threads and ‘leak’ a video of us just like having an absolute totes sav buzz for real and being all like ‘eh what? Are we actually doing this or like am I just losing my marbles? So we call like everyone to the gaff, show of solidarity and all that, which makes like 6 of us. Oh my god are we mad?

So we ‘re all just there like licking the camera and like air kissing and bopping and like the ushe shit people like clearly do when they’re having it like first thing on the BK menu, as in like whopper.
Then shit gets a bish madj, cuz like word comes in from Ghent that Pj’s iphone has like taken a dodgy yammer, and like Sy’s iphone is like off scoring some other lad in the pit who promised he’d give all of our iphones pills but its like messy cuz like Padge’s Iphone wanted to score Sy but like Padge didn’t, and like kinda has a thing for Sarah’s iphone.

So its like my iphone and Gizzer’s iphone take pj’s iphone to the jacks but like all its saying is like ‘oh my god I cant believe we’re like at the picnic this is gonna be like such a totes net bulger of an event that like I might actually just like go to Thailand and say more things like this for the 3 months following it.’ But my iphone is like ‘oh my god pjs Iphone shut up you’ve got your like buzz calendar stuck up your orse. we’re at I love techno and your like anointing the buzz with sentiments that have no place in like the latest layer of the nu-rave movement which involves like constantly commenting on the buzz you’re having while you’re having it and like filling your digie with shots of your mates looking like they’re taking time out from commenting on the buzz to actually like have a buzz. So like shut up. The picnic was like months ago and like yea, needless to say we like oh my god absolutely buzzed until, Erol Alkan had to get a restraining order and got like 38 hours worth of top notch air wanking dance action, but like get it together, our iphones are like trying to have a buzz in the like here and actual now.’ And like what can gizzer’s iphone say to that other than ‘oh my god that is like so mdma at exit’.

So its like my iphone just rams a bit of My Dreams Made Actual in pjs iphones charger hole and next thing you know they’re like back on the floor and like funneling those pills that Sy’s iphone managed to get off like that nacker. I mean trust the lower class to give narcotics to a machine. Typical. well my iphones not complaining, and its like video link buzz cuz between us like embarrassing ourselves for the camera to remind all and sundry that we’re still at the like total top of the buzzer ladder, while our iphones are like crowd surfing at like a joint set from like Annie Mac and Tiga’s itouch its like:eh…..whopperbuzzyea?...needless to say eh…..YEA!

The treeth hurts

August 21

Yea and it’s like ye know eh ye like know that your mates are all sound and like your buzzing like so much and it’s like this is your prime, your PRIME, like again, YOUR PRIME, and it’s like why can’t everyone just have a like buzz and like stop worrying about like the way people get jobs and like use money to like buy things like windows and milk, and instead just like have an ACTUAL buzz instead of like pretending to have one and like ye know as such end up like not telling the truth to their parents and shit….and I’m there thinkin “Oh my god, dinger should have like a PhD or some shit cuz like this is basically the fundamentals of reality he´s hitting on here. So like in my head im like BOOM! And its like yes we are so doing this..and I’m like come on dinger we´re like so getting a joer to like each of our parents gaffs and like ur gonna tell them what you like just told me……it cant be far, I mean I assume we´re in dalkey, after all we did just see some bangin like electray merchant like whomp out the beefers in like the button tripod or whatever the fuck and like we´re like on the sesh afterwards so like if we´re not at least on the dart line ill eat my tits…

So like we ALL end up piling into this joer on our way to dingers like gaff in like dalkey or wherever the fuck, and it’s like “eh….yea na na na na” cuz like zingbot has like crammed his decks into the car and we´re all just like throwing it up to the big guy in the sky basically going like chicken orimental to this new tune by like erol alkan or like booka shade or some other like name that seems to make noise that like we all totally buzz of for totals sake.

So like we all head, we´re talkin ALL the na na brigade here, to like dingers ma´s gaff and it’s like “eh….ring!” on the door…then it’s like BOOM! Cuz she’s all like “Peter what..what is this…who are all these..oh sure there´s Patrick..is he ok” and like straight off the bat Dinger´s just like “mum shut up and listen…it’s like ye know the way when you’re like trying to like say something and its like you’re there thinking about what you might actually not say and like things like why you’re shoes mightn’t work for football so you have to like get new ones cuz like there’s only so much that like your mates who are like so sound and like so important and you like have to say what you mean now NOW because if you don’t you might like end up and it’ll be like really un happy for you and your FAMILY like and you know that that can’t happen because it’s like music is SO important to the way your life is when you’re like there feeling it with your like MATES friends and its like not about being drunk or anything like that its like REAL and like you want to cry to make sure that you can feel that everything that you like have is like FUN instead of like being on tv with your parents”..and its like “eh dinger you sap say what you said in the gaff about all that stuff about having jobs and everything” but it’s like well too late cuz he´s like already loafed dan and like taken the decks down to the beach, and I have to say like if this K has anything to say about it we are all SO going to Diplo in twisted pepper tonight.

August 14th 2009 – How to electraycute yourself withate mentioning the picnic

Oh my god like even though i was like knockers deep in the actual sesh i like still couldn’t believe that like the like BOOM! had been actually captured on like snipe´s skin or whatever. He like so got a bangin tat when he was at the picnic it´s like a drawing of sum absolute buzzer wearing like little more than the buzz and a wife beater with his fingers up Erol Alkan´s buzz..

But then it’s like SUCH an intense change of direction buzz cuz like Ste-ay is like on the
floor there just goin "it’s like we´re all like fizzing onto each others nats in the queue for sonar or whatever"
But then it’s like he just like doesn’t understand what the buzz is for a bit, and like starts foaming onto like paddy’s decks, so paddy like decks him with a copy of the bloody beetroots latest attempt, and like next thing I know we`re like having a buzz on Steo’s carcass but it’s like so weird cuz like I’m fairly sure this is like funeral time but instead it’s like EH.Buzz!

And it’s like before u can say “Oh my god let’s like run through the hurdles of naass” we´re like on the way to Wexford and like even though Steo’s dead u can so tell once the buzz gets more electray (which is still djeadly by the way) he´s so gonna crack into Shoshana, cuz like even though he´s dead and she´s like not or whatever, it´s like so blatant that like to fight the buzz is like to fight that time that we tried to like not to go to like buzz in the gaff after Calvin Naassness

And like even though I’m fairly sure like rigor mortis is like stetting in or whatever I have to say like Steo´s like on the best form I’ve seen in ages and we´re all like "eh yea yea yea yea yea eh nah yea yea yea nah" and Shauna’s like "oh my god like I know it’s like a carcass or whatever but like Steo is like such a nice guy and like this is just such a buzz´. Patchy tried to wreck our like whopper later on by being all like "ehh lads we have to contact the family, this is a dead body here you whore rats". but like we’re so balls deep in like Simo´s new mix "cretinous warblings of a puckering anus 09" that like we don’t even hear him so we just go like on and like on and like on for ages or whatever.

Cheese related naassness for the boom! Generation

So there we were in Saturn’s orbits of naassness filming each other laughing at each other filming each other, when babes drops his or her glass of absolute neon cheese on like the mixer thus producing a like ingenious little remix of the latest effort from the like bloody beeshreets. It’s like eeeeerrwang a wang errrrrrrrr wang a wang errrrrrrr wang wang, and we’re all there like laying it down thick on like whoever the fuck’s stepdad’s gaff this is’s Persian rug, and it’s like ‘Oops, we’ve gone and like wrecked another expensive item in aid of having a like buzz’ which by the way is like so not oops in case ye like didn’t get that. Babes rocks over to me like foaming at the mouth or whatever but like still saying boom occasionally so like the old eyes rolling back into the cranium symptom isn’t that worrying. It’s like hello my sisters mates all did medicine, or whatever. Anybuzz babes pitches up and is all like ‘oh my like Boom! god babes that t-shirt doesn’t even say ‘oh my god if we’re ever gonna be naass then surely now is the time to be super hyper turbo nigs naass A9’ or whatever. I’m like at this stage going through babe’s iPod and like can only find like 40,000 photos of like us like totally taking the piss at like Shaneo’s little sisters 21st, so I like just mase the cunt and get back to like filming Honer and Fads throwing Sheebo’s dog at the decks.

Sunday 23rd May

‘That was so like nosh on or whatever’ and it’s like ‘eh, Jennyfaria I think you need to get your like nigs tested, cuz the like lot of us bursting into the room stork bolock electro with the decks and speakers, playing like ‘We are your like friends or whatever’ while Gicker and Marie were like going for the old ultimate super-anti nigs buzz in Flaine’s step-mum’s bed, has got to go down as like the best remix of a given situation since Ciara like puked all over Feltch’s ticket to ‘I love Techno’ while he was there trying to cut off a lock of Erol Alkan’s pubes in the button factory.

March 16th 2009

So we’re all out like having it whopper at like Annie Mac? Just like jumping up and down in the crowd, shouting ‘Super anti-whopper-nigs, super-anti-whopper nigs, na na na na, na na na na’, when Swelpo like cracks his shits and is just like “here Babes man buzz, we weren’t gonna say anything but like in celebration of you finally finishing your latest mix (‘Eh..is it just me or is this like so not nigs 09’) we like totally spiked your drink with all sorts of whopping dinger gear – Boom!’...at first I’m like ‘Eh lads that’s like Digitalism out of 10 on the old nigs scale but soon enough I’m like, to use a phrase, SO mad out of it that I like don’t even care? Next thing I know it’s like Boom! and I’m like in the jacks just screaming names of like such whopper bands that its more or less so Student bar back in the like day it should be banned or whatever?... Caso walks in and I have some little nu-rave nonse by the tits and I’m just like screaming ‘DIGITALISM, BOOKA SHADE, CROOKERS, CALVIN HARRIS, KLAXONS, NIGS, WHOPPER, JUSTICE, MGMT, BOOM!, ARMAND VAN BUYREN, Babes, MISS KITTIN, DIPLO’ in her like face or whatever. Some like utter nigs twat is like ‘Sorry man but I think you’re having an actual nervous breakdown right here in the like jacks of the button factory, although to be fair you wouldn’t be the first, you absolute fair weather scenster fu...’ and before he can finish Caso has like dragged me outside, stuffed a few more anti-nigs buzzes down my yammer and before I know it we’re like back in Shauna’s making a video of like all 3 of us giving it like loads on her couch listening to like XXX’ I know it’s like EH guys WHAT are we doing like dancing on the couch ?’ are we like totally surfing the waves of being liberated free spirited buzzers or are we just a sad bunch of..and then it’s like WHACK! And it’s like the fourth time in a month gizzer has like decked me for having what the lads have come to call one of my like, oh my god, TOTALLY NIGS moments.