March 16th 2009

So we’re all out like having it whopper at like Annie Mac? Just like jumping up and down in the crowd, shouting ‘Super anti-whopper-nigs, super-anti-whopper nigs, na na na na, na na na na’, when Swelpo like cracks his shits and is just like “here Babes man buzz, we weren’t gonna say anything but like in celebration of you finally finishing your latest mix (‘Eh..is it just me or is this like so not nigs 09’) we like totally spiked your drink with all sorts of whopping dinger gear – Boom!’...at first I’m like ‘Eh lads that’s like Digitalism out of 10 on the old nigs scale but soon enough I’m like, to use a phrase, SO mad out of it that I like don’t even care? Next thing I know it’s like Boom! and I’m like in the jacks just screaming names of like such whopper bands that its more or less so Student bar back in the like day it should be banned or whatever?... Caso walks in and I have some little nu-rave nonse by the tits and I’m just like screaming ‘DIGITALISM, BOOKA SHADE, CROOKERS, CALVIN HARRIS, KLAXONS, NIGS, WHOPPER, JUSTICE, MGMT, BOOM!, ARMAND VAN BUYREN, Babes, MISS KITTIN, DIPLO’ in her like face or whatever. Some like utter nigs twat is like ‘Sorry man but I think you’re having an actual nervous breakdown right here in the like jacks of the button factory, although to be fair you wouldn’t be the first, you absolute fair weather scenster fu...’ and before he can finish Caso has like dragged me outside, stuffed a few more anti-nigs buzzes down my yammer and before I know it we’re like back in Shauna’s making a video of like all 3 of us giving it like loads on her couch listening to like XXX’ I know it’s like EH guys WHAT are we doing like dancing on the couch ?’ are we like totally surfing the waves of being liberated free spirited buzzers or are we just a sad bunch of..and then it’s like WHACK! And it’s like the fourth time in a month gizzer has like decked me for having what the lads have come to call one of my like, oh my god, TOTALLY NIGS moments.

Eh..electray’s like djeadly? Or whatever – Boom whopper nigs buzzin

So Simo’s like ‘Eh...are you actually taking the piss out of me?’ – and I have to say his reaction to my telling him the line up of the UCD ball is more or less entirely justified. I mean the whole thing is just so fucking anti-nigs that I don’t even have to think twice about whether it’s gonna be the first time I throw on the old ‘EH..JE WANNA JUST LIKE FUCK OFF AND LET ME DANCE OR WHATEVER’ t-shirt I got in like Paul Smith the other week. I knew the occasion of its first donning was gonna need to be whopper, and what with Calvin Harris, Crookers and like Booka Shade all playing I’m thinking put your whopper superlatives away cuz the UCD ball is officially gonna be like so NOT whopper-nigs we may as well all buy whopper new memory cards for our digies...Am I like joking? Eh..yea! but like not even really!